Drying up like a prune

I'm drying up like a prune. That doesn't sound nice when uttered but that reflect how I feel these days. This post may be filled with "I feels" but bare with me. I feel like the system is obsolete. It does not feed "us" with sufficient inputs. Again, should not the input come from God? Well, this is very subjective. Yeah, it is my duty and responsibility to keep in close contact with God through prayes and reading of the Word. I do love Him alot but after a long silence, I, like many others are drying up and feel demotivated. Some doubt, some quit. I'm no quiter. or at least I think.

This has been on going for some time without me noticing it. All the while I thought it has been under control. I was wrong. Then again, God may be at work deep within me. I may not notice this, and I reckon this must has some connections with my walk with Him. Please don't throw speculations at me just yet. I'm going through a phase, I hope it is only a phase, where I'm not motivated to read the Bible, kneel down to pray or even go to CG. I feel tired in everything dimension of my life. What is wrong? Can someone share with me your same struggles and at least show me the wat out.

Give me some rest God, give me life again, give me a new vision, give me a new hope...I'm lost but I rather lose myself in Your pressence not in the darkess of wilderness. My heart cries out to You for help but it seems the situation is worsening. My faith is so little compared to the many in Your body, Lord. Forgive me for having such small faith. Lord, I want to serve You. Where are You calling me to? I am human, I need to sense Your leading. I don't want to make another mistake again, taking the wrong path, doing the wrong things. It hurts You alot and so do I. If only I hear Your voice tonight, I believe I will be better. Come and do what You please with this life which is no longer mine but Yours. If grumbling and worrying will not make things better, only Your ways will. Empty me, break me...so that You can mould me into who You want me to be. I don't want to be myself anymore. My past sucks. It was black. Can You please make it as white as snow by Your blood that washes me clean? Deal with my unbelieve, my studborness, unwillingness, disobedience, filth, dishonesty, lack of love...my whole life. I want to be close to You all my life. Do something in me oh Lord. Teach me your Word, the mysteries of the Trinity, the wonders of Your creation, purpose driven life and about Your character, will and desires. Nothing matters more to me than You. I love nothing more than I love You. You promise me a way out of every temptation. I claim the victory, Lord. I believe You will guide me. I believe in You...for You believe in me. For You first love me, I love You. Forgive me of my sins and filled me with Your Spirit. Let this empty vessel be filled till overflowing. In Jesus name, Amen.