Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Really pissed...

I'm damn pissed...many are. Maybe I should say most people who took HRM are. Don't tell me I shouldn't be angry. I am and I wanna be honest. I'm so angry that I wish the tutor is instantly sacked. I don't care anymore if this job is his only hope for his future because what he has done is similar to detroying our hopes...useless fellow. We'll make sure this guy gets a tongue lashing from the top management. He marks our assignment like no other person would. He thinks his assignment which he had done for his masters was a excellent example. BULLSHIT! not even near a piece of work written out of originality. If my assignment, as he said is 3 quarter alright, why then must I fail miserably? Why if my other parts for the second assignment besides the recommendation is alright must be marked as poor? Why must every column in the marking guide be marks as poor when only one of the many is poor? Why when my citation format is in accordance to the guideline must be marked as poor? Why if there isn't any mistake to my citation, be marked as poor? He is not fit to teach...be a researcher, maybe he shouldn't...just go sell cendol.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Home..sweet...home

My home sweet home...Sitiawan. A small and quite coastal town located to the west of Malaysia where Pangkor Island is located just off its coastal line. All my life, I've never wandered far, too far from this town with a humble beginning. All towns and cities birthed from humble beginnings, maybe not. I know more about my home any than other place in Malaysia, so it is only in my best interest to boast about her. After all I love this place. There is something about this place that no other place have. Something magical? Possibly. More precisely, something divine in nature.

The book "The Foochows of Sitiawan" by Mr. Shih, depicts the history of the beginning, from the conception of a brilliant plan to bring in the Foochows from China to Sitiawan, until where he stopped writting. I must say the author's efforts which spanned for more than a decade marks a revolutionary milestone in the history of Sitiawan, especially in the recordings of her life. It is a good, or must I say, excellent effort in preserving history. We may not see much of the historical landmarks which were mostly sacrificed for the sake of development. I would really like to urge the local council to preserve the remaining pre-war buildings and some of the oldest buildings within the vicinity of the town centre.

There are some historical landmarks that should be gazetted as heritage sites by the government. Our ancestors unknowingly passed on this heritage to us. Therefore, we should never make the same mistake of being unaware of what we are doing, building and passing on to our children. One day, this place would either be a tourism city or a city focused on heavy industries to generate her GDP. Maybe both, a diversified economy boast better stability and a sustainable growth. Undoubtedly, this place is developing-fast. I fear for the worst if development today cannot be sustained.

Divine-a big word many may not trully understand. Unless one has search near and far, high and low, it remains only a word describing powers migthier than ours. I believe Sitiawan did not come about by other powers but by the power of God. This is probably the home of the expansion of the Methodist Church. Also, probably the only place in Malaysia ever to come to mind when Christianity in particular Methodist is mentioned. I am proud of what God has done but not pleased with what 'we' have done, including myself. If we do not wake up from our slumber, this town will not in a thousand years experience revival. We must know what God wants to do in order that we do His will. It is as if the early settlers of Sitiawan had a covenant with God just as the Israelites had. If is broken and God's wrath is provoked, blessings would not flow. When blessings stop, it is like the land being cursed.

Development, be it physical, mental or spiritual all boils down to the questions-Do we have the stamp of approval from the chief architect? Is God the committee chairperson? I end by saying, a fading memory of yesterday is the result of unsustainable development...Is God the committee chairperson?

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Slumber...

Approaching Sitiawan, I told my friend who followed me back about how different the roads look. Indicating my absence from my beloved hometown. Although it wasn't for a long time but it felt as if a century had just gone by. Subang Jaya. I've grown accustomed with the hustle and bustle that surrounds my everyday routines and excitements. Sitiawan. She will always be the beautiful, calm yet maturing town. I reckon it will become a city one day. It isn't a small place to begin with. It looks small, that I have to admit but this is due to the fact that development is very focused on the town centre. Development have been creeping in ever since the naval base was in operation. Or should I say development have been evolusionalising the face of the earth of this quiet little town.

Driving into the town was rather a moment where flashbacks zoom from every corner of my mind to the opposing side. Thankfully I don't remember the sad moments much. If not it would have spoilt my day. I'm glad to have the opportunity to send my friend back to Ayer Tawar, a neighbouring town still within the same "mukim". I used to travel along the road heading to A.Tawar for badminton lessons under the then state coach every week. I was surprised to see the road going through some major roadworks to double its width. I read of the plan to build a connecting highway from there to the North South Highway soon and linking it to Ipoh. All this will cut the journey by half the time it used to take. How wonderful developments are? There are also downsides...

The slower pace of life in Sitiawan is just nice after a whole semester in Subang Jaya. It is remedial, maybe something I needed after a hectic second half of this year. The weather is so good that it makes me want to sleep a little longer. At night the air is so cool and fresh. Not to mention, the morning dew carpets the lawn, giving it a unique sparkle. Whenever the rain stops, the insects and animals will start making their music as if nature has its own ochestra. It is so soothing. It gives rest to the soul. I bet anyone could sleep instantly after the rain stops. Not that the sounds the animals and insects make are like lullabies but the coolness that you will feel is so sedating. I'm now dreaming how the breeze of the sea will feel as they brush pass my face...More offerings from this plaec I call home awaits to pamper me.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Cry in My Heart

"Cry In My Heart"
by Starfield


There's a cry in my heart
For Your glory to fall
For Your presence to fill up my senses
There's a yearning again
A thirst for discipline
A hunger for things that are deeper

Could You take me beyond?
Could You carry me through?
If I open my heart?
Could I go there with You?
(For I've been here before
But I know there's still more
Oh, Lord, I need to know You)

For what do I have
If I don't have You, Jesus?
What in this life
Could mean any more?
You are my rock
You are my glory
You are the lifter
Of my head
Lifter of this head

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Drying up like a prune

I'm drying up like a prune. That doesn't sound nice when uttered but that reflect how I feel these days. This post may be filled with "I feels" but bare with me. I feel like the system is obsolete. It does not feed "us" with sufficient inputs. Again, should not the input come from God? Well, this is very subjective. Yeah, it is my duty and responsibility to keep in close contact with God through prayes and reading of the Word. I do love Him alot but after a long silence, I, like many others are drying up and feel demotivated. Some doubt, some quit. I'm no quiter. or at least I think.

This has been on going for some time without me noticing it. All the while I thought it has been under control. I was wrong. Then again, God may be at work deep within me. I may not notice this, and I reckon this must has some connections with my walk with Him. Please don't throw speculations at me just yet. I'm going through a phase, I hope it is only a phase, where I'm not motivated to read the Bible, kneel down to pray or even go to CG. I feel tired in everything dimension of my life. What is wrong? Can someone share with me your same struggles and at least show me the wat out.

Give me some rest God, give me life again, give me a new vision, give me a new hope...I'm lost but I rather lose myself in Your pressence not in the darkess of wilderness. My heart cries out to You for help but it seems the situation is worsening. My faith is so little compared to the many in Your body, Lord. Forgive me for having such small faith. Lord, I want to serve You. Where are You calling me to? I am human, I need to sense Your leading. I don't want to make another mistake again, taking the wrong path, doing the wrong things. It hurts You alot and so do I. If only I hear Your voice tonight, I believe I will be better. Come and do what You please with this life which is no longer mine but Yours. If grumbling and worrying will not make things better, only Your ways will. Empty me, break me...so that You can mould me into who You want me to be. I don't want to be myself anymore. My past sucks. It was black. Can You please make it as white as snow by Your blood that washes me clean? Deal with my unbelieve, my studborness, unwillingness, disobedience, filth, dishonesty, lack of love...my whole life. I want to be close to You all my life. Do something in me oh Lord. Teach me your Word, the mysteries of the Trinity, the wonders of Your creation, purpose driven life and about Your character, will and desires. Nothing matters more to me than You. I love nothing more than I love You. You promise me a way out of every temptation. I claim the victory, Lord. I believe You will guide me. I believe in You...for You believe in me. For You first love me, I love You. Forgive me of my sins and filled me with Your Spirit. Let this empty vessel be filled till overflowing. In Jesus name, Amen.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

When M means...

When M stands for Many things:-
  1. Money
  2. Mockery
  3. Ministers
  4. Misuse
  5. Manipulation
When power is misused by ministers and ex-ministers alike, taxpayers suffer. If you want to be a Malaysian who is aware of your rights read this - 2M Love Fest -Smart Partnership Indeed.

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sometimes life can be like these beads.
sometimes it can be colourful yet at times life can be dull.
sometimes it is filled with rage, anger and destruction.
sometimes it can be so sweet.
sometimes life can be bittered by sin.
sometimes temptations seem too strong to overcome.
sometimes i feel delivered, free and victorious.
sometimes i will be on cloud nine.
sometimes i feel six feet under.
sometimes it feels there is no end.
sometimes end seems the best thing.
sometimes i wonder.
sometimes i am blur.
sometimes i pray.
sometimes i don't.
sometimes i talk.
sometimes i shut.
sometimes i cry.
sometimes i laugh.
sometimes i want to give up.
but all the time Jesus says don't...

Saturday, November 12, 2005

Living in Victory and Holiness

THE CHALLENGE TO HOLINESS IV (series) preached by Senior Pastor Daniel Ho is rather challenging. This week's series is on the topic of "Living In Victory and Holiness". It is based on the scripture taken from 1 Thessalonians 4:3-8. I'm just basically passing on the important message, not preaching.

4:3For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; 4:4that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, 4:5not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; 4:6that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. 4:7For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness. 4:8Therefore he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.

The life that we live has to be based on a cause. The foundation that our life is based on has to be built strong so that we can stand firm. Rooted and grounded. We should ask ourselves, what sort of foundation have we build for ourselves? Will we be able to stand the ferocious storms of life? we are urged to take steps to handle and overcome the sins in our lives. This is because our attention will be diverted if our hearts are not guarded. This is very true in many cases, if not all. After all being human born with sin, we are vulnerable to temptations that leads to sins if not overcame.

Pastor Daniel make us do a "Temptation Quotient" check-up to very generally rate ourselves. There are certain areas that needs special attention in our lives. Our emotional, mental, physical, spiritual and personal areas, I think need special attention. There are also other areas like relational and geographical (distance from others) needed attention too.

What if we have a pattern of temptation? I'm sure everyone of us have experienced this. Breaking away from our temptation pattern is a very practical and important thing to do. In order words, recognising the pattern and breaking free of it or them. Questions to ask include :-
  1. When are you tempted to sin the most?
  2. What time of the day are you tempted the most?
  3. Where are you tempted to sin the most?
  4. Who is nearby when you are tempted to sin the most?
  5. What type of sin are you tempted the most?
  6. Why does this sin give you what you want?
  7. How do you feel right before that sin?
These are very pratical questions we can ask ourselves to understand the situation better. Samson's life in Judges 16 clearly states the importance for us to ask ourselves these questions as a self check.

Developing a victorious plan of holiness requires us to live within God's will. What is living within His will? It does not mean you have to listen to Him telling you precisely what to do, where to go or when to do something. 1 Thessalonians 4:3, 7 very clearly says that it is God's will that we should be holy. Simple as that. Living holy lives means being seperated. We should learn from Samson that starting well does not guarantee ending well. When we run the race of life, we must always have the end in mind. The finish line awaits our coming. Finishing the race well is to be our aim no matter what had happened in our live before. No matter how terrible we used to be, as long as we are willing to humble before God and say sorry and freely surrender to Him, He will forgive us. Prayer and reading of the Word of God is of utmost importance in our bid to end well. Pastor summarise the plan for victory into 6 S.
  1. Scripture (Hebrew 4:12 &13)
  2. Supplication (Mark 14:38)
  3. Spirit (Galatians 5:16, 18 & 25)
  4. Self-control (1 Peter 5:8; cf. 1 Thessalonians 4:4, Galatians 5)
  5. Saints (Hebrew 10:24-25)
  6. Service (1 Corinthians 15:58)

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Life

If my life is like the Autobahn...would it be smooth sailing? or rather smooth speeding? Nevermind, forgive me for I've just completed my final piece of crap exam today. Not all the papers were crap. I wrote more crap in the script books than the exams are. Oh well, it is officially over for me but not for some but what difference does it make finishing it on the second last day of a 3 week long exam period; nothing. My topic for this post is not life as in "Life: The Seriousness of it" but rather Life as a final student having to go through the torments of exams and surviving some and some other stuff.

Being a final year student has its ups and downs. Ups being, I'm finally going stop formal education real soon. Downs being, I'm getting old. Wait, do I get wiser that way? Hmmmph...that has to depend on the exposure and lessons that I learn through the years. It really does depend on my awareness to my surroundings and learning either smartly or dumbly from it. I guess this time around I really learn that God has been so kind and gracious. He provided all the help I needed so timely. Lydia was there, Wang Ling, Si Chong, Jacqueline, Lek Chuan, Jinn Xiung, Rebecca, Amy, John, Mei Hui and not forgetting my parents + family for their never ceasing support. They were so much of help in guiding me with the last minute-very effective-revisions, super duper notes, prayers and moral supports. Never gonna forget this semester. When I'm in need I cry out (thanx Lydia for releasing the powers in Philippians 4:6-7) to God and He answered. How then can one say God is not hearing and not answering? It really depends on what you ask for and your faith in Him. Don't give up if you don't get what you expect, for it is not your expectations that He must meet. He has His will.

Life in general these days have been better, or so I think. I realised everytime after my exam, my mind is so filled with these theories and that theories that I become hyper. I talk alot, feel like jumping aroud...and doing all the crazy stuff. Oh yeah, right after my last paper I bought myself 6 DVDs. All non explicit contents. Well I'm glad we get high quality DVD 9 at a fraction of the price...*evil laugh*. Jsut to mkae the rcroed sriahgt, can you understand the sentence. Cool right, sidetrack abit. I received a mail once stating that some scientist in the UK did a research on the way we read words and understand them. He concluded that even though the alphabets in the word is jumbled up, we can still understand it as long as the beginning and ending alphabets are the same. This is called recognition. But if I do this would you understand the words differently- pricay vs piravcy. So I realised that the 'V' in the word plays a big role for us to determine the difference. Also i realise we can differentiate the length very accurately even though it is just 1 alphabet short. Hmmmph...

I have a sudden liking for the songs by The Afters. They are really cool. I guess I shall pen off here...till I blog and you log in again. God bless

Thursday, November 03, 2005

Wishes

A Happy Deepavali
to my friends of the Hindu faith and

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri
kepada semua kawan-kawan saya yang menganut agama Islam.

Being a Malaysian can be such an interesting thing. We get to celebrate together with our friends their ushering in of the 'new year' according to their calenders. In all, Malaysians celebrate 4 new years in a year! On top of that the countless open houses acts as tool for unity, or maybe the food we share could unite us all? Oh well, no matter what living in Malaysia is truly a blessing. Just yesterday, a friend of mine from China says Malaysia is a beautiful country, he likes it here. We should appreciate and treasure what we have here - peace, unity and prosperity. God bless and Jesus loves you all.